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Practice FSWE Essay 3

Practice FSWE Essay 3

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Please evaluate my practice FSWE essay.

Testing Rubric:
1-3 are failing marks. 4-6 are passing. The essay is read and grded by two people and their scores are added together for a total maximum score of 12. So the goal is to get at least a 4. 4 is good enough.

4
A paper at this level is adequately developed. The writer’s purpose is clear and
the analysis is generally supported by relevant examples. The writer’s rationale
may not always be fully developed. The paper has a clear structure with an
introduction, body, and conclusion, but the structure may be too obvious and
ideas may be subordinated to structure. Alternatively, the paper may exhibit
lapses in organization. Transitions are usually used effectively. Sentences clearly
express meaning and exhibit some variety, but there may be some repetition.
Word choice is appropriate to the audience and is usually precise. While there
may be some errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics, a competency with
language is apparent. The errors may be distracting, but they only occasionally
impede understanding.
5
A paper at this level is well developed. The writer’s purpose is well defined and,
for the most part, the analysis is supported by sound reasoning and relevant,
effective examples. Analysis and judgment may show thought and insight. The
writer’s rationale is well developed and integrated into the text of the paper. The
structure is logical and coherent, with clear organization, an effective opening and
closing, and effective transitions. Sentences are usually concise and varied in
structure. Word choice is usually precise, varied, and is appropriate to the
audience. The writing shows good command of the language. There may be
occasional errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics, but the errors pose minor
distraction and they do not impede understanding.
6
A paper at this level is substantially developed. The writer’s purpose is very well
defined and the analysis is supported by sound reasoning and relevant, effective
examples. Analysis and judgment show thought and insight. The writer’s
rationale is very well developed and very well integrated into the text of the
paper. The structure is unified and coherent, with clear organization, an effective
opening and closing, and effective transitions. Sentences are concise, interesting,
and varied in structure. Word choice is precise, varied, and appropriate to the
audience. The writing is fluent and shows superior command of the language.
There may be occasional errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics, but the errors
pose minor distraction and they do not impede understanding.

I handwrote this essay in 50 minutes in accordance with the rules of the FSWE. I will present it without spellchecking or editing so to represent the actual essay as it was written.

When evaluating please be aware of the following:
  • When composing the essay, the point of view should be clearly stated and supported.
  • Writing should be evaluated on quality of writing, not the opinions expressed.
  • A sucessful essay should have an obvious structure and clear thesis supported by relevant substantiating details.
  • It should show my ability to analyze the topic in a way that is appropriate for the intended audience (a foreign service officer).
  • The writing should be coherent with only occasional lapses that do not impede flow or readers' comprehension.
  • Language should be generally concise with clear and appropriate word choices.
  • The language should be free of errors in grammar and syntax, with only minor errors in spelling and punctuation.
  • There is no limit on length.


The topic:
In recent years many businesses looked for less expensive avenues of development and support by outsourcing overseas. Some people think that overseas outsourcing results in lower operating costs and fewer overhead expenses. Others think such type of outsourcing is bebeficial because it allows companies "to focus on other business issues while having the details taken care of by outside experts." However, some argue that overseas outsourcing is not beneficial to the nation's economy because it often results in loss of jobs, and delays communications and project implementation between a company and its clients. In your view, is overseas outsourcing beneficial? Carefully explain the rationale for your position.

My essay:

The Benefits of Outsourcing


     The world is a big place, and there is much reason that business should be done on a global, not nationalistic scale. Outsourcing Provides us with a way to not only reduce expenses at home, but help bolster an entire world view of business and commerce. It not only increases buying power at home, the effects of outsourcing in other countries helps their local economies as well. In the world today it is increasingly important to think outside our borders as well as our own.
     Within the national borders, when outsourcing is used responsibly it can help the economy as a whole. When a company chooses to outsource to another country, the result is less operating costs. That reduction can be given back to the consumer by reducing prices in turn. When businesses reduce prices others soon follow suit making goods and services less expensive over time. This in turn makes money go farther. When money can go farther more can be bought and standard of living is allowed to rise.
     The great thing about outsourcing is that it doesn't just benefit one nation. Outsourcing is giving work to people all over the world, this helps improve the standard of living in other countries as well. When businesses globalize they are helping the world increase their standard of living, instead of hording wealth into a handful of rich countries. Rich countries also benefit. With the money supply going farther, more and more people will be able to afford to take risks with their money. New businesses can be formed, the amount of start-ups increase, and entrepanuership grows. All this helps create jobs and opertunities that would otherwise be repressed in lower-level jobs. When those jobs are moved, the rich country workforces will evolve themselves when their easy options are gone. People who wouldn't stay in school, instead see the advantage of higher-level work and the nation as a whole has the chance to rise up.
     As the nation rises, for example there are less farmers and factory workers in America today than there were even a short fifty years ago thanks to an ever increasing global workforce, so does the skill levels of the nations citizens. More specialization occurs, national education averages go up, and the amount of low-level workers drops. This is all good news for national business and workers alike. Businesses have a better pool of high-educated workers to employ, and workers get into higher paying jobs as a result of increased education standards.
     Let us nit forget that America at one time was a poorer country like those we outsource to today. In those times, we relied on other countries to trade goods and services with us. That was, and still is, the American livelihood. Outsourcing is trade on a business, not national, level and should be treated the same as the trading of commodies. The members of the European Union that have embraced foreign workforces and outsourcing idealogies have seen a marked increase in company effeciency and standard of living compared to those opposed to such efforts over the past several years. This example shows that oursourcing works and can continue to work if rich countries and growing countries alike can work together to bolster a truely global world view. After all, this world is ours to share, to split it up so artifically seems like a great waste of resources.

Please be critical. I want to improve my essay writing skills as much as I can for the test and beyond.

Thank you for your help.

Yours,
trv
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